Why didn’t your long-distance relationship work out?

Khushi Chauhan
7 min readDec 22, 2023

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Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

People keep saying that Long-distance relationships don’t work. But why is that? Is it because couples give in easily, or is it just unfixable? Most may not find it worthwhile to put effort into it, while others simply keep piling up these problems instead of solving them. Nevertheless, we are not here to talk about these people. We are here to be the category that solves problems.

Faith and patience play an extremely crucial part in making these miles seem lesser at times. There are factors including insecurity, lesser physical intimacy, financial issues, and the absence in tough times that compel couples to lose faith. This ultimately leads to the end of a beautiful story.

Here are some very common problems that couples face during their long-distance relationships. And how you can just bounce them back.

Mismatched Time Zones

This is one of the major issues as you switch into a long-distance relationship. It becomes a challenge for couples to find the appropriate time suitable for both sides. As you can realize, time is not the issue, people can make time even in their busiest schedules; here it’s about time zones.

Finding a convenient time for both is like a logistical puzzle that needs the art of patience and understanding to solve correctly.

What you can do is, instead of blaming each other, sit together (virtually) and note down the probable times when you could be free. Then, proactively plan and schedule a week with it. Do trial and error. Keep trying until you win. If it’s ruining your sleep schedule, take turns. (Everything comes at a price.)

Communication and flexibility are the keys here. In the event of cancellation of a certain virtual date or meeting, try to understand your other half.

Remember, it's not you v/s them, it’s you both v/s the world, said your bestie

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The Absence

When staying in a long-distance relationship, missing your partner’s presence can be extremely painful. The absence of physical intimacy at difficult times can emotionally burden you. The inability to cross this barrier makes it even worse.

At a time like this, effective communication becomes of utmost importance. This lack of your partner’s physical presence can only be bridged through the power of words and active listening. Find out and try newer ways to make them feel special.

There are various ways to show emotional support. Try sending special texts and voice messages to boost morale, make them believe that it’s real, send love letters, arrange virtual dates, etc.

In the end, being with each other is all that matters, be it emotionally or physically, or both.

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Trust & Insecurity

With increasing distance, what increases the most is insecurity and the fear of losing your partner. This may happen because of certain interactions and activities of your partner in their friends circle due to the lack of physical presence.

Developing trust requires transparency and reliable communication. Trust takes time to build, it’s a gradual process. It requires acknowledgment of doubt or suspicion rather than ignorance. Try to talk out why your partner feels so. Share your day-to-day activities with your partner so that they won’t feel left out.

Open your communication channels, and try finding out the root cause of this insecurity so that you can clear it out providing them with some sense of security. Seek what their expectations are from you, and set clear bars for each other. Then focus on maintaining that, so no one gets hurt.

Pushing too Hard

A lot of people set their expectations inspired by what is on social media. People post their happiest or best moments, and the audience wants to make their each day just like that.

Being in long-distance relationships people start trying too hard to involve their partner in everything. Eventually, when they can’t, they think the reason is distance. But see that’s not the case.

Just because someone else is doing a thing that works for them, doesn’t mean that would do for you too. Sleeping on video calls works for some while other finds it cliche. Talking in a baby tone with your partner seems romantic to some but cringe to others. Now, that's how Homo sapiens function.

Find your way to carry on your relationship, see what works for you, and if something doesn’t, don’t try too hard my friend. Let that thing go, find another. There’s a lot out there to explore!

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Distinct Life Paths

Shifting into a long-distance relationship, we try to balance every segment to perfectly work it all out. One such segment is a career, the most important one. Choosing different paths, majors, and jobs people wonder if it will drastically affect their relationship.

Partners sometimes feel left out because the career or path of their counterparts is too technical for them. They can’t get the jargon. This, with time, can emerge as a huge emotional distance in your relationship. And an emotional distance is far worse than a physical one.

Sharing your activities, projects, and goals with your partner makes it easier for both of you to get along, and vice versa. See, jargon and stuff is something your partner may not understand but you do, right? Make them understand, then. You won’t even realize how fast they could learn. You might doubt if it's your career path or theirs.

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Financial Constraints

Now, coming to the real problem. Having a loose pocket can bring significant challenges to your relationship. Huge travel and staying expenses can be difficult at times. It might be manageable if it’s just the just with one side. Not just this, but it also restrains you from buying expensive gifts for your partner.

If you’re facing such problems try saving up for some months and then pay visits. Try splitting up bills so that the burden doesn’t come off on just one side. Besides, try creative ways to keep your relationship alive without any significant expense. Watch movies together, go on virtual dates, and do some naughty stuff virtually, (iykyk)

In times like these, your bond is tested by fate. Understanding and supporting in such financially challenging times is extremely necessary.

It is equally important to be open to such discussions. People mostly hesitate to do it with their partner, but this is what brings an actual and mutually agreeable solution. It is the sole responsibility of each partner to not put undue pressure on their finances.

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Piling up Shit

Ignorance can never be a substitute of communication, said your bestie again.

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Couples in long-distance relationships often commit the mistake of keeping issues unsolved. They keep telling themselves that they’ll solve it all at once someday. But oh boy, that's not how it works. Things like these make them lose respect for you, thinking that you don’t respect them either.

It’s okay to take some time alone if you need to. However, it will just give you momentarily peace and not the actual solution. It might seem like it works in the beginning but things get bad sooner or later.

If your relationship is precious to you, don’t shut down communication channels. Be honest with each other, and discuss what/who is the problem. Learn to accept when it is your fault, don’t play victim cards, it will take you nowhere. And if it's their fault let them know why you’re hurt and what went wrong. Letting go is no solution!

Stay Happy, Love Birds.

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All the hurdles in a long-distance relationship can be overcome with an appropriate establishment of meaningful communication, trust, and mutual understanding.

There are a lot more ‘behind the scenes efforts into what the world sees. Frustration might be there when you’re at a distance as you both have your personal lives, responsibilities, careers, social lives, friends, and families. Making sure to raise the bar accordingly, develop common goals, and preserve flexibility are key to lessening these miles.

Finally, the endurance of any relationship relies on both partners’ willingness to face hurdles together, building a strong bond that can withstand the tests of time and distance.

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Khushi Chauhan
Khushi Chauhan

Written by Khushi Chauhan

Hey there, I'm the writer, writing the words you should say to yourself. I'm the friend you may need. <3 chauhankhushi.work@gmail.com

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